Things I Learned in Apartmentland

1. Orange juice tastes better in a margarita glass
2. Post office shipping boxes make great coffee tables
3. Bathrooms are the communication place for your neighbors
4. Singing makes your neighbors believe you have a loud radio
5. Couches fit perfectly over fireplaces
6. Washing machines never fit through the door of the laundry room
7. Cable outlets will be in the worst spot ever
8. Cable installation people just don’t give a damn
9. Make sure blinds are closed before undressing
10. I hate cooking but the kitchen is my favorite place
11. Don’t adjust the shower head while showering
12. Neighbors are vampires-they only come out at night
13. Forget diamonds…bath towels are a girl’s best friend
14. How awesome people are that offered to help me move
15. That without a dining room table I wander the apartment while eating
16. How many things can, will, and did go wrong
17. Taco Bell sauce fits perfectly in my silverware organizer
18. I don’t quite know what to do with myself
19. OCD increases exponentially with empty space and independence
20. It’s difficult to buy food for one person because there are no single people left on the planet
21. Old microwaves cause spontaneous combustion in potatoes
22. Washing machines dance and do a great impression of the plant from Little Pet Shop of Horrors
23. Lastly, true independence should be experienced by every person at least once in their life.